it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
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You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
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When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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