you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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