just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
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Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
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she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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