I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize