So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize