i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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