when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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