Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
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I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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