apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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