I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
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I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
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She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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