Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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