Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
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On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
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Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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