mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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