everyone is single if you try hard enough
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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