i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize