It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
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Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
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You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
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