i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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