DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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