we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
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An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
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Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
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