Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
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I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
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I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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