I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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