you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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