I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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