I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
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The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
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Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize