She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
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I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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