Have you finally orgasmed yet?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
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