so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
There r osticjed everywhere
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize