She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
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His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
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I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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