i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize