Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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