I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
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I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
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