just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize