I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
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Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
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