Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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