you would pick up someone in the library
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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