That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
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he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
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He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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