I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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