College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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