True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
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I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize