When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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