he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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