If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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