Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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