This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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