i need an iv and a liver transplant
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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