also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize