I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
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Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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