Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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