Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize