good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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